Resentful at being taken for granted?

Over time, many couples begin to take their relationship for granted. One element that is sometimes lost is appreciation for one another. You might be feeling unappreciated, but you do not have to wait for your partner to appreciate you more. Instead, you can take steps to identify what you appreciate about your partner. Then you can make it a game you play together and express your positive feelings to each other.

Relationship breakdown – a mindfulness exercise

1. First play the game by yourself. Consider what your partner adds to your life. Start small, over a week, each day, notice something which your partner positively contributes to you or your relationship and write it down. These things do not have to be dramatic or big. It might be the way they smile at you, or the fact that they make coffee for you in the morning. Think back to when you first met your partner. What qualities and strengths did you find most attractive? In all likelihood, those strengths and qualities still exist today if you look for them.

2. After a week notice if your feelings about your relationship are changing and if so notice how. Get used to going back in your mind to the positive things you are finding.

3. Introduce the practice to your partner by talking about what you appreciate about them. Even if they don’t feel they want to join in, there is usually a ‘knock on’ effect for them in feeling more appreciated themselves, which will help them reflect more on what you mean to them.