It is important to realise that acceptance of something is not resignation. Acceptance is the first step to becoming fully aware of what faces us: it gives us time to respond skillfully rather than in our usual automatic knee-jerk way which can often be unhelpful.

Practicing letting go of small things in our lives can help us come to terms with the bigger things we can’t change. Even if we can’t change something, what we can change is our attitude towards it, and that can make all the difference to our experience.

Working with the judging mind: an exercise from acceptance and commitment therapy

First step.

If the mind is being repeatedly drawn to a particular place, to particular thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations, deliberately bring a friendly and gentle awareness to that place.

“Hello, what’s going on here ?”

Second step.

Notice as best as we can how we are relating to whatever is taking place.

Are we with the arising thoughts, feelings or sensations in a non-accepting, judgemental way ?

If we like what is happening are we trying to hold on to it, attach ourselves to it ? Are our feelings of pleasure and desire ?

If we don’t like it because it is painful, unpleasant, uncomfortable in some way, are we trying to withdraw from it or push it away ? Are we reacting with feelings of irritation, revulsion or fear ?

“Well, well, there goes that judging mind again !”

Third step

Make space for whatever is going on by letting go of wanting things to be different. Allow it to be as it is, but also allow it to pass naturally.

“This is how it is. I don’t have to get hung up on it. It’s simply here at this moment, this is how I’m feeling now and that’s just the way it is.”

Fourth step

Stay with the awareness of what is there and your relationship with it. Focus on the breath to help you stay there, to open to whatever it is and accept its presence.

“Let’s get to know you better.”

Fifth step

Sometimes the simple acceptance will be enough to let the energy out of the difficulty, but if you are doing this in your everyday life, rather than practicing, then it may be that some action is necessary.

If appropriate, having given yourself some space, bring in the thinking mind in a still gentle way,

trying to remain open to all possibilities.

“Well, what are we going to do with you then ?”